You know what’s difficult. Having small children, having a loving marriage, feeling fulfilled in yourself, and your path, and supporting your spouse. To be firing on all cylinders is pretty rare, and if you are it feels like you need to immediately pinch yourself to make sure it’s real. My wife and I have recently switched roles almost entirely. For the first 3 years of us being parents, she stayed home with our girls and I worked, now I stay home and she works. As you can imagine there have been some growing pains for all of us. The girls have had to adapt to mama being gone all day, which can be quite the challenge when you don’t have the words to explain the problem. I have had to adjust to being home all day, and not feeling like a failure because I am not working. Finding enjoyment and progress in providing for our children in a very matter of fact way from minute to minute. Cooking and taking naps and cleaning is not easy sh*t for all of those that write things like this off. The development of domestic skills takes work. My wife has had to adjust to waking up early for work despite maybe not sleeping all night due to nursing and all around mothering. She misses the girls dearly but also lives her work.
One thing that came up the other night in the derailing train that can easily become of the nighttime routine is clocking out. I literally just needed a minute or two. I wasn’t going to explain myself, nor did my wife expect me to. I said I am clocking out and went to do my thing, which happened to be a shower. The beauty of this moment was the ease. So many things with children become these overblown, logistical nightmares.
I think we all need theses moments, and we should have an agreement that we can take them. We are all playing for the same team here, and the goal is the same. In this case it was get the kids to bed. I needed a minute and took it, which offered me just enough space to breathe and come back with intention and a clear mind. Without this space, it’s easy to get short tempered and less productive. Its important that we as partners raising children work together and this includes creating space for eachother.
So find a way, is the clocking out if you want. But acknowledge with each other that you both have needs. Call it something, make a agreement. And claim the space that you need. Otherwise this train will derail and everyone suffers in that case.