The Pearl Divers

Three years have gone by. Our family has grown in an exponential way. We have two beautiful daughters that fill our lives. I am eternally thankful and indescribably blessed in this life. I have never been filled with more love and gratitude. I cannot tell you that this journey has been easy, nor do I ever expect it to be. During these years, my wife and I decided I would be the one to work, and she would raise the girls. This has been quite the challenge in many ways. 

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Reconciling the chasm, to move forward together is quite the task. The daily reality for one is totally different than the daily reality of the other. Yet it is the same. Now we find ourselves at quite a juncture. My wife is amped to get back in the workforce, and I can’t blame her. I have nothing but respect and awe for what she has done in the past 3 years. It is incredible to watch a woman grow a baby, give birth to a baby, and feed a baby with her body. Then she turned around and went back for another. 

Speechless and Grateful, is where I find myself. 

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Now we are beginning to change the roles a bit. I am taking a larger role caring for the girls, which is very new and pace-wise a huge change. I love it, and am seriously challenged by it. This is an area of tremendous growth for me. Lots of learning going on, with lots of questions, and first experiences. Frustration abounds, and when the dust settles, I find myself with a new lesson and an opportunity to grow. To be honest, allowing myself to slow down a bit, and just enjoy the time has been the greatest gift. The space has allowed some perspective, some much needed perspective. Reframing your life is sometimes exactly what you need. In my case, this is true. 

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My wife is super pumped to start working and pursuing her professional interests, and I couldn’t be more supportive. Caring for children all day can get a bit smothering. It can make you feel as if your life is not your own. Your personal interests seem set aside, and you are now in the backseat. This is quite a realization, a daunting one at times. After awhile it is easy to lose a sense of self. You don’t have to look very far to find some information on this topic, as everyone with children feels this a bit. 

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A close friend pointed me in the direction of Mark Nepo the other day. This man is incredible to say the least. Along with surviving cancer, he is a philosopher and a poet to the tune of 30 years. Below is his entry, and it provides quite a bit of context to a few parents raising children. 

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""We Must Take Turns”

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We must take turns, diving into all there is and counting the time. 

The gift and responsibility of relationship is to take turns doing the dishes and putting up the storm windows, giving the other the chance to dive for God without worrying about dinner. While one explores the inner, the other must tend the outer. 

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A great model of this is how pearl divers search the deep in pairs. Without scuba tanks or regulators, one waits at the surface tending the lines tied to the other who soft-steps the sand for treasures he hopes he’ll recognize. 

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He walks the bottom, watching the leaves of vegetation sway and sways himself till she tugs the cord. He swallows the little air left as he ascends. Aboard, they talk for hours, placing what was seen, rubbing the rough and natural pearl. In the morning, she dives and fills their baskets and the counts the time, hands wrapped around her line. 

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Quite plainly, these pearl divers show us the work of being together and the miracle of trust. We must take turns: whoever is on the surface must count the air time left, so the one below can dive freely. "

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Parenting is about growth, its about raising humans. To raise a human, you have to step outside yourself and think for them. One parent is responsible for the kids and the other goes out to pursue themselves. Yet both are part of the same journey. Being at home on both sides of this equation takes some work. I am finding this now.

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Success in one area of your life does not lead to less value in other areas of your life. It grows you as a person. It makes you more whole. Don’t pay attention to the lack. Look forward to the opportunity for growth. 

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Let Go to Grow!

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Danny Lesslie