So yesterday I took the girls out to a local spot I frequent. I will leave the name out for what will soon be an obvious reason. Shameful hilarity is a good way to describe what went down. When I drop into a place with both girls, it is rare to find a seat. On this day the seat was open. After leaving the cash register with our handful of goodies, we very thankfully sat down on a open couch. Ace was sleeping in her car seat, which is always a gift, and Rue was clutching her prized kitty cat. She was fast on my heals asking to open the snacks we had purchased.
Rue and I climbed onto the couch, and I sat Ace on the table. One of the snacks I got Rue was an orange. She ever so eloquently calls them candy, which is hilarious. So I began to open apparently the juiciest orange ever to exist. This damn thing was squirting everywhere, I was too far in to start with napkins so I just finished peeling the thing. Thankfully there was an old dirty rug that the juice dripped on to. I didn’t feel to bad, as there clearly had been many crumbs and feet here as well. My hands looked like I dipped them in a vat of orange juice by the time I was done. After drying my hands off we sat and laughed for about 20 minutes. These times are the best. Sitting with calm kids laughing and eating. Life could not get better.
Here is where our little father daughter date took a turn. Ace suddenly woke up in a pretty sour way. She clearly was not happy, so I gave her the binky and she calmed down. Little did I know the damage was already done. I looked below the carrier on the table and there appeared to be a bunch of orange juice spilled. So I picked Ace up and put her carrier on the floor, and cleaned up the table with napkins. I non chalantly waived the napkins near my face, as to not draw attention to myself, and all I smelled was orange. So I chalked it up to orange juice. After all the juiciest orange ever to be was on the same table.
Soon after I decided we would head out. I cleaned all the crumbs off the couch, because I cannot eat a muffin without sending crumbs everywhere, let alone our 2 year old. I grabbed the girls and we headed out to the truck. When we got to the truck we hung out in the bed for awhile. This is one of Rue’s favorite past times. Its really nice too, because it is like an extremely manly play pen. Its usually full of dancing, listening to music, and talking about planes and birds. When we got there, I decided it would be a good time to check on Ace, and see if her diaper was wet. I moved the strap aside in the carseat, and the whole ball of yarn began to unravel. She had master blasted her diaper. There was yellow poop all up to her chest, and this wasn’t the half of it. I unbuckled her to discover that her entire back was painted in the explosion as well. Dear Lord was there a lot of poop. Taking off her onesie was like peeling a smushed banana that had erratically moving arms and legs. The whole inside of the onesie was covered. Managing a squirming 6 month old, whilst peeling off a poop filled onesie is quite the task. She had poop on her elbows and her heels and the back of her head. There was poop everywhere. I just started in with the wipes. 37 wipes later, I could see no more yellow. For the most part I believe she was clean.
Then I started to piece together what really went down. That poor orange. I blamed the juice incident on that poor orange. I mean the clues roundly pointed in that direction, whilst viewing the situation with dad brain. I peeled the juiciest orange ever, and then ended up with a puddle of orange-ish liquid. When I wafted the smell around my nose I smelled orange. I mean its believable-isn. Well apparently what had really happened was Ace was asleep, she was awakened by her explosive poop that destroyed her diaper, and demolished her onesie. She was buckled in, and she had to pee. Her diaper was clearly fully soaked, so when she peed, it did nothing. All of the pee, got filtered through a viciously pooped in diaper, and leaked through the car seat onto the poor table. Dear Lord, I was now 30 minutes away from my cleanup, my cleanup that was not assisted by cleaning product. I am regretful that I did not put this dilemma together until later. The damage was long ago done, and there was no reconciling now. I just laughed aloud while changing the poop filled 6-month old on the tailgate of my truck.
Situations. As a parent you find yourself in situations. I have no explanation for this situation. It is absolute hilarity, and I have no shame, and I have no defense other than having children makes situations take an unexpected course all of the time. The ride is to be enjoyed. You can read all of the books, and talk to all of the parents, and your kids will take you for a unique ride of your own. Try to keep things in perspective and laugh at yourself a bit, and lend a hand to a parent that is having a rough go. Because tomorrow, or later today, that may be you.